You can tell a badly trained dog by the way the owner talks to them. Not only are they dancing around my dogs, desperate to stick a cold nose where mine don’t want a cold nose, but they are called back with such meaningless words as ‘Danny! Come here this instant, what have I told you …’

Dogs don’t remember what you told them. They want to sniff butts and if you can’t call them back, they should be on a lead.

I confess to being a bit grumpy. We are living close to Blackpool and the locals have to be the worst dog owners on the planet. Some kick the dog out of the car door and let it run on the field while they stay in the car with the engine running and read their paper. Others form into groups chatting whilst the dogs crap all over the place.

When I asked somebody why nobody cleans up the crap, I just got a blank look and a shrug. ‘We don’t do that round here.’